20 May 2013

African stuff

My whole upbringing took place in the context of a civil war.   This war was declared in 1965.  I was born in 1968. So the first fifteen years of my life were defined by war – father often away on call up, people being declared dead every night on television...”Security forces has issued a communique...”   so this aspect of being at war is part of my nature.  That is why I take a swipe at things like religion (which in my case was almost an emotional death sentence) and psychoanalysis (same).

I am particularly hostile toward those who would like to undermine or suppress my warlike nature, which is my real self.   That is why I so dislike, or hate, postmodernists, who would seem to require me not to differentiate myself from others or to oppose anything I don’t like, but to acquiesce to a general, bland sameness.  I am in general, a very hostile person, then, when I am not at war, but when I am in the martial arts class or opposing something with all my heart, I feel calm, for then I have returned to my natural element.

In general, I am African, and I wish Western people all best of luck with it, if they think they can benefit from being ecstatically open.

I don’t see any problem, by the way, concerning any kind of corruption of institutionalized religion.  I just wasn’t brought up with a need for that kind of narrowness, but I have no particular moral opinion about it, only my dislike.  I am free to reject a system that has proven itself to have no particular defects, just because I dislike it.

American either-or thinking is very strange.   Losing emotional control is not exactly possible for me.  The more threatening a situation is, the more tightly controlled I become.   In fact, my thoughts become very finely focused and exacting, like seeing body heat through a police helicopter camera.   These are my moments of divine revelation, where everything pulls together and makes sense and I finally know exactly what to do.

So, the whole Western cultural thing, where the self has a structure that needs the postmodernist solution of trying to be more open so as to have ecstatic experiences does not resonate for me, in terms of what I, personally, need to do.

Also, I am also skeptical of much of the binary conceptualizing of contemporary leftism.   But also, I think it is a lost cause.  I think contemporary leftism has found its ultimate resting place, up it own anus.  Long may it rest in peace.

I’m very much against any kind of moral reformism, of any sort, including and perhaps especially leftist moral reformism, because I’ve been subjected to way to much of that in my lifetime.   Leftists have always tried to reform me.  I’m the only “identity” that it is viable to hate.  I am, and was, quite literally, a colonial.   So, I see the hypocritical underside of the postmodernist leftist beast, and its need for moral vengefulness against somebody.   I don’t expect you to understand this, by the way.   It takes some experiencing – and even then, you may not know what hit you.

I just don’t like Western culture overall and have no use for it.  I would be the last person to morally reform it, or to “heal” it.  Not my job.  My focus is related to Zimbabwe.

To go further, I really don’t understand the Western “soul” at all – what its needs or wants are.   Often it wants directly the opposite to me.  I don’t want to get close enough to see if this is a sickness.  I don’t care deeply enough.  I think it has to find its own way.  Foucault cannot help it.  That’s a funny joke.   But don’t make me reflect too deeply on this joke, or I will start to talk of “sickness”.....

No comments: