I tend to find the radfem critique very useful in understanding sex and gender , both of which are in my estimation, erroneously taken to mean the same thing by society at large. This conflation is historically conservative but oddly is further bolstered by postmodern theory. I find all of it problematic. I tend to think that sex is overwhelmingly binary in that it merely describes physiological/biological observable distinctions whereas gender is really personality and behavioral traits that vary from individual to individual such that it's not particularly useful to try and construct a binary ( yet society loves to do that so they can have ready made categories in which to stick people ). I'd like to see the construct of gender replaced by a spectrum perspective for human behavior that is understood not to be concretely divisible, that is to say, no behavior or personality traits are seen as exclusive to one sex but rather belong to humanity as a whole and vary by individual, culture, age, etc. regardless of averages. Averages might just be imposed gender roles rather than anything one can prove as inevitable. I'm always suspicious of people who try to impose gender roles or those who cannot see beyond that construct. Even though your experience and character are unique, I can understand the frustration with the pressure to fit a certain role or expectation. Anyone who finds themselves somehow outside the averages people are accustomed to seeing in a particular culture, usually has to deal with a lot of BS.